Even with the long days of summer, I can’t seem to get things done. A few tasks continue to be just out of my grasp even though I am desperately reaching to get them done. Blogging, for instance. I love it. I miss it when I don’t do it. I’ll go through my day and a kernel of an idea for a blog post will pop into my brain, “oh!”, and then POOF! The essence of the post is gone and I’m left with a deflated idea with no passion behind it. I know it’s the newborn fog and mommy brain all working against me – and I’m doing a lot just to keep things going in my home and to be the best mommy that I can be. And that’s enough right now.
I keep reminding myself to take it easy and stay in the moment. I started back to work mid-June which has pulled me in yet another direction. I’m trying to embrace the dirty floors, sink full of dishes, endless laundry, milk-stained shirts, dumped out food, paint covered dining table, and chewed on crayons. I want to embrace those things. It’s so hard when the outside world calls on me for something.
So I work when I have to work (usually very early in the morning and again at mid-morning when Matt is up from his overnight shift and can take on daddy duty) and then get dirty and grounded the rest of the time.
I’ve been spending as much time as possible outside in the flower and vegetable gardens. We had an awesome thunderstorm earlier this week – I could have wept, it was so beautiful. I’ve been knitting like a crazy woman because I can’t wait to be snuggled up in the fall. I want to sew and write too. I want to be the sole caretaker of all of our beautiful chickens. I want to can and freeze the food from the garden.
I can’t do it all. What I am doing is enough. Everyday is full and every night I collapse into bed, knowing that my sleep will be patchy and full of Bronwyn, and sigh from the delicious privilege of being a mommy to three perfect children. And I’m doing the best I can.
Lovely reflections! I don’t know how anyone has more than one kid and works too, ha ha! But I remember those days of little sleep and no time for yourself – It’s very intense and wonderful and maddening all at once. You’re doing a great job (says this blogger from afar!)
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Thank you! 1 kid or 3 – it can be so overwhelming and can create such self doubt. It’s just so hard! But we’re all going to make it through, right??
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