A co-worker recently asked me how I managed to read so much, which made me laugh out loud. I laughed because 1) I don’t read as much as many others or as much as I’d like; and 2) I currently have a room full of yellow jacket carcasses and a basement floor covered in laundry detergent, which means that the reading I actually do is accomplished in lieu of other important tasks that I should be tackling.
This has been a difficult few weeks for me. As I wrote in my post on Sunday, I’ve spent weeks trying to get my blog in order and set up on this new self hosting site. Tears, I tell you: I’ve cried some real tears. I even had to get a new computer in the midst of all of this – I’ll spare you the details on that. My posts were showing up on Reader but now they don’t seem to be. This is all so frustrating. I’ve been spending so much time on this set up that I’ve spent nearly no time reading, so I’m lucky that I read so much in early July and got a good jump on my book posts!
Last week we had a yellow jacket infestation in my son’s room and it was like a horror movie. If you listened on the baby monitor, you could hear them buzzing around and thumping into the window. The exterminator said that our house was made for hornets/wasps because of the way the property is set up. We get blasted with the sun and there are nearly no trees on one side of our house, and hornets build their nests in warm places, so ta-da! That’s us! The guy hit my three year old’s room with some major spray and dust and then hosed down the outside of our house, too. The yellow jackets are dead, but dude: I don’t want to spend my precious free time cleaning that crap. So my child has been sleeping in a combination of the guest room and our bed and he is happy as a lark about it.
Earlier this week I went down to the basement to do laundry and slid across the laundry room floor but (for some inexplicable reason) didn’t pay any attention to that. When I grabbed the laundry detergent, I realized that it seemed much lighter than it should have. I quickly realized that the lack of heft explained why I skated across the floor despite the carpet – the whole dang thing had slowly oozed its way from the spigot to the floor in spectacular fashion. So now I have to figure out how to clean that up, but I’m happy to say that I won’t make the mistake of putting water on it, because could you imagine THAT mess? And on top of it, I need more laundry detergent. I swear, I’m only buying the powder from here to eternity.
But basically: I’m tired. I’m willing to recognize that I accomplish a lot in one day –
waking up early, working on projects important to me, taking care of our house and our kids, going to work every day, trying to be a good wife. I’ve always been a hard worker and motivated to achieve, which has earned me a lot. And being tired is part of the deal. But I don’t want to deal with any of the extra stuff that just pops up out of nowhere, like yellow jackets and a bucket of soap on the floor. Nobody has time for that!
So I’m trying to remember that productivity is relative and I’m giving myself permission to do the best I can, even if it’s not what I would normally consider “enough.” I have a two and a three year old – I’m lucky to shower (most) days, much less everything else that gets crossed off of my to-do list. I know what I would say to you if we were having coffee and you confessed to me that you felt like you weren’t good enough. I would say, “pish posh!” (Yes, I would really say “pish posh.”)
“Pish posh! All you really have to do in life is show up. That’s the hard part. Every day there’s a new chance to get something done. Every second is a new second to change the way you’re thinking. Because lookie here, you whiny little thing. This makes your fifth blog post this week. You’re writing more than ever before. Reading like a fiend. And despite those silly little tricks from the universe, your house is as clean as it has ever been. Snap out of it!”
And I would mean it, too. I’ll spend this weekend trying to take my own advice. Stay cool out there, kittens.